YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just gargled with NyQuil
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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