girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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