He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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