We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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