I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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