wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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