At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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