My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
