that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
