i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
