Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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