she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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