ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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