Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple

(1-631): View more from New York

whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?

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(641): View more from Iowa

i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

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(519): View more from Ontario

how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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(519): View more from Ontario

You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.

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(936): View more from Texas

Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?

(713): View more from Texas

You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.

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