My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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