I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
