Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
