somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Damn victory sex feels great
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
