I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
