Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
