none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
