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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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