i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
