Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
