There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
