and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
