I could make wine with my vomit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
