Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
