Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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