first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
