remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
