so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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