just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize
