Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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