If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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