problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
