we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
