So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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