He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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