WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
