Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
