elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
