we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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