we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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