i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
