My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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