toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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