"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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