its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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