omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
