My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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