Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
