I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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