party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
