Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
