Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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