so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
