Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
