I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
