There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
