mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
