i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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