Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
