hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think i got beer on your cat.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
