never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
