I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
