My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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