I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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