i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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