if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
