now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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