Three words: puerto rican gang bang
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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