My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
