I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
