if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
