i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
