You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
