frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
