adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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