PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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